Boy disappointed to not witness any terror attacks on the 10th anniversary of 9/11

New Delhi. Last Sunday marked the 10th anniversary of a day that stands alone both in history and in the minds of world population. While the survivors and the relatives of those who died, spent their day in deep remembrance, back in Delhi a teenager was disappointed to not have witnessed any action on the 10th anniversary of the 9/11 attacks. 

"I am completely shattered. I sat on my couch, glued to the TV for the entire day hoping to see Al Qaeda's latest innovative attack but as fate would have it, there was absolutely no action, " said a dejected looking Dhawal Agarwal, a 16 year old science student.

"Well, if you ask me, it was a perfect setting. 10th anniversary, Al-Qaeda having recently pledged revenge for Bin Laden's death, a Sunday with nothing to do, Indian cricket team getting gang-raped.. It just doesn't gets better than that, does it?  " questioned an innocent Dhawal who has been brought up on a rich diet of sensational journalism and finds it difficult to go through a day without any live coverage of a terrorist attack followed by endless news channels' endless group panel discussions.
It is to be noted that this passion of Dhawal has not gone unnoticed with the Delhi police which has been put on high alert over Dhawal's obscure mania. " As part of our general strategy we keep an eye on all those who follow such news stories/incidents on Wikipedia and Youtube. However, we sprung into action when some of the shopkeepers told us about this boy who keeps asking them about trump cards featuring all the major Al Qaeda stars," revealed the area constable Ram Singh, who raids Dhawal's house every fortnight or alternatively whenever he is free.

All day long Dhawal was duped by
 the Indian News channels which
 showed pointless drivel under
 the name of Breaking News.

"You can't blame me for being selfish or inhuman. Ever since I grew up, I have been hearing stories about the 9/11 attacks and the related conspiracy theories. I was too young then to remember anything. All I am asking for is my share of entertainment, " said Dhawal who has watched all the 9/11 related conspiracy theory documentaries on Youtube, starting from Loose Change to Fahrenheit 9/11.

Dhawal's parents talk about how gratified he looked last week while watching media coverage of Delhi HC blast. "It's difficult to separate him from the TV when reports on any terror attack are being aired. We did try to put on Star Cricket which was then airing the India-England match but the sight of Munaf Patel blasting Kohli for misfielding didn't go down well with Dhawal and he flipped back the channel right-away," said Dhawal's parents who have to sit and watch with their hopeful son all day long, the Breaking News of India's most honest cricketer Mohd Azharuddin's son getting injured in a road accident.  

Last reported, Dhawal's parents were able to tranquillize him over Sunday's disappointment sighting Sunday being a non-working day for Al Qaeda.


P.S. The write-up is written not with an intention to mock the terrorist attacks or the destruction they bring along. Instead through this article I am trying to bring out the selfish nature of humans who take great pleasure in the tragedy of others until they find themselves at the receiving end. Surely, I have mocked the deplorable quality of Indian media and police which just make matters worse.

Google Maps to use Mayawati statues for directions in Lucknow !

Lucknow. “Head north towards Maya#3899, Turn left at Elephant#23, Pass by the KansiRam#19 and take a final right at Ambedkar#6” was how Google Maps gave directions to Chandru Prasad when he used his Android phone to find out how to reach Pandey Paan Bhandar from his house.
Starting today, Google is planning to use the ever growing statues in the state for the benefit of aam aadmi.
“We have launched our services in Beta stage in Lucknow and we hope to extend these services all over the state once the Indian courts give green signal to Miss Mayawati for completing her statue building projects,” Google CEO told Faking News.
Sources inform that a “statue predictor algorithm” designed by Google engineers had estimated that Lucknow would have a Mayawati statue after every hundred feet by the year 2020.
“This is huge! We don’t even expect street lights or traffic signals cropping up at similar rates; nothing could give a sense of direction in the state better than the statues, and that’s why we decided to incorporate them into our services,” Google CEO explained.

UP CM Mayawati with statues that would give
 directions to the lost citizens in the state

The news has brought an early Diwali for Maya’s supporters in the state capital, and even the Chief Minister herself was happy with the announcement.
“We thank Maanniya Google Ji for taking this noble step that will help the poor people in Uttar Pradesh,” Mayawati read out a prepared statement in a press conference. Later her Chief Secretary informed that the government will provide the required data to Google engineers, and the statues would be meticulously numbered in order to make direction-giving easy and accurate.
Government sources inform that the news has excited Behenji so much that she is planning to build a statue of herself that would be the tallest in the world.
“Taller than the Christ the Redeemer and the Statue of Liberty put together,” a government source informed. Faking News learnt that this proposed tallest statue of Mayawati would be called the “Redeemer of Poverty” symbolizing Maya’s constant concern for the poor.
Besides, the statue will have Mayawati holding an elephant in her right arm, instead of the customary torch. “This is to symbolize her power and stature,” explained the source. Not to mention the other arm will be shown holding her favorite hand-bag.
This decision, as expected, hasn’t gone down well with the Samajwadi Party leaders who have vowed to demolish the statue once they come back to power, even if that means partnering with the BJP for the demolition, while Congress workers are reportedly working on a “counter offensive”.
“They are planning to come up with Gandhi Maps to counter Google Maps; the Gandhi Maps will use all the monuments, offices, roads and other constructions named after Nehru-Gandhi family members as the landmarks for giving directions,” a Congress source revealed.


This post was first published by me on Faking News. Link.